The Almost Kinda Triumphant Return...

So it has been almost a year since I posted last and so much has happened...

 I honestly barely recognize the person typing this, she is tired, cranky and in pain. She is a stranger to me. I am fun. I am happy. I am positive. I am on my way to becoming a Yogi and a Naturopath. I am a healer, I am joy and comfort to so many...I am not this woman.

 But suddenly I was. I had joined the ranks of the ill. I had been exhausted and in severe pain for months. My whole body ached. I had horrible tingling in my hands and feet. I could barely do the dishes without needing a nap afterwards. I woke up exhausted like I had not slept. My mind was fuzzy like living in a fog.

 So I went to my doctor who was by no exaggeration baffled by what could possibly cause all these symptoms in such a healthy young woman. I exercise,eat well ( I am a strict vegetarian ) live a green holistic lifestyle, care for myself mentally, physically and spiritually. There was no reason for any of this, so he ordered tests. They took so much blood I wondered how I would stand up without falling over and every test for every disease known to man and 9 months later he had an answer.

 I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition known as Fibromyalgia it has no real cure and the only answer I am given for why this might have happened is that it can be triggered by trauma. Emotional or physical trauma is the most common trigger of diseases like mine. They can lay dormant in the body never causing issues for some, even those who are carriers.

 For those unlucky enough to have them triggered  they attack the immune, muscle and nerve systems. I was told by my doctor that I was to be cared for by a specialist from then on.This was the first time I was passed off to someone else to take care of, nobody wants to care for a patient suffering from a disease with no cause or cure ( there will be many more times this would happen, but I'll share them another time ). I was told by the pain specialist  that the only mainstream treatment is to manage pain, and a 5 different  pain medications cocktail later I was almost pain free...some days.

 This was my new life. Pain medications that worked but clouded my mind, frustratingly limited activity, exhaustion at the slightest exertion and the brutal uphill fight to be confirmed sick enough to be considered truly sick by the rest of the world.

 We are the secretly ill. We don't look sick. We seem fine. We are told we are just overreacting. That we are making a big deal out of nothing... the patronizing  goes on and on.

 I spend my days carefully planning each and everything I do so I can make sure to have enough energy by the time my kids come home from school to be there Mom. My time is precious. My energy is fleeting. Every waking moment is spent checking the time wondering if I can make just one more thing work and still sneak in a nap. Making sure I don't sleep through taking my medication because when you are on a schedule of no less than five different pain medications taking even one of them late results in a domino effect that will cause me to spiral out and anyone who has witness that crash will tell you it's not pretty.

 My kids need there mom, my husband needs his wife, my friends need there friend, my business needs an owner...I can't let them all down. So I struggle through, I take the medications that make me sick in other ways. Most of my pain medication causes terrible side effects and some days I wonder if they are worth taking.... but in the end the pain is worse.

 All these things mean that I truly need to take care of myself, that I needed to be even more careful what I put in on and around my body. I needed to change my environment. I needed to change everything. So after a long break I have decided to come back to my blog and make a few changes here as well.....

 My blogging used to include all my tips on doing everything DIY (which is still a passion of mine so there will be some of those post popping in once in a while)  but from here on I want this to be a place of learning and sharing. I want to help make peoples lives safer, healthier and happier by sharing what I have learned  by the trial and error of changing my own.

 Cleaning up our lives is the best thing we can do for ourselves, we have to say no to chemicals, no to processed foods, no to toxic relationships and no to anything else in our lives that causes trauma. Be it physical, emotional or spiritual trauma can be disguised in many ways.

 We have to say yes to caring for ourselves. We all have someone or something that needs us, and they need the best version of us we can give.

                             "You cannot serve from an empty vessel" Eleanor Brownn 

 I think it's high time we all filled our own cups to the brim.

Love and Light,
E.